


I've Never Felt So Certain (All My Life I've Been Torn)

by RavenpuffWrites



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempted Murder, Battle Buddies (Achievement Hunter), Don't worry though they fail but just barely, FAHC, Fahc Vagabond - Freeform, Fake AH Crew, Family Soulmates Au, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, Platonic Soulmates, Pre-Fake AH Crew, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, it's uh mostly angst though, lil bit of fluff, no happy ending (yet. there will be)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:40:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25363993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenpuffWrites/pseuds/RavenpuffWrites
Summary: “It’s come to my attention, Agent V, that you’ve seen to have forgotten where your strengths lie.” The director eyed Logan’s marks again, his lip curling up in disgust at the way they shone brightly against Logan’s skin. “Marks are such pesky things, Agent. A sign of human weakness. You are better than these marks,”
Relationships: Jeremy Dooley and Gavin Free and Original Character
Comments: 13
Kudos: 39





	I've Never Felt So Certain (All My Life I've Been Torn)

**Author's Note:**

> Me? Starting another Fahc soulmate au? It is, apparently, more likely than you would think. But this one is family soulmarks so it's definitely different. Yep, 100% haven't written something like this before, what do you mean?
> 
> **Now edited to be free of him**

Logan did not have a mark for himself to give to other people. As far as he was aware, he was born without one. A fate usually consigned only to fairy tales, the mark of a horrible curse at best or more often the mark of the only the worst kind of villain. To say that most people did not take kindly when they found out about his… condition was a vast understatement. His own mother had abandoned him as a baby for failing to gift a mark back to her. And though the nurses who raised him grew to stare only in pity for the young boy whose birth must have been so against the will of fate that he was cursed with a life without love, the bruises left by his classmates made it clear to Logan that this was  _ his  _ fault. Not being able to gift a mark meant there was something broken in him that could not be fixed, and there was no one at fault for that except for himself. 

Logan didn’t understand until the Agency that his lack of marks was actually a blessing in disguise. The time he had spent all alone lent itself to learning other skills, mainly how to use technology and the items around him to his advantage, as well as he got the older the ability to sneak in and out of the orphanage as he pleased. Having near nothing to his name not only inspired Logan to become a thief, the very job which had captured the Agency’s attention in the first place, but had also taught him how to adapt to whatever was thrown his way in the process  _ without  _ panicking. And of course, the schoolyard had provided more than its fair share of fights, ones that as he got older Logan tended to win more than he lost. His knack for theater made it easy, also, to slip into a character and lie without being caught. 

The lack of marks themselves was the biggest blessing to this all, though. In this line of work, caring about somebody was enough of a liability on its own. Caring to the point that the person now wore your mark was even more dangerous. Even the best of agents have been broken by losing someone they had gifted their mark to. Each mark given out was a weak point, and it took no genius to understand if you wanted to take down your enemy, the easiest way was through those they had gifted part of their soul. 

Many claimed it was the ability to give and receive marks that made one human. The Agency told Logan over and over that in fact it was his lack of ability to do so that made him so much better. 

* * *

After 3 years of training, Logan rises to the rank of agent. 4 _ years  _ before the rank is typically granted. Standard agents had to go through at least 7 years of training to be removed off of probation. It wasn’t uncommon for them to go through more, but it was unheard of to go through any less. 

It doesn’t take long for the whispers to fly on why Logan had passed through so quickly. More than once he catches the suspicious and sometimes outright malicious looks of his fellow agents as they stare at his markless body and whisper in words he cannot pick up, but understand their meaning all the same. 

No one dares say anything to his face though. Markless or not, Logan had a reputation and it was fear of getting on his bad side and ending up like one of his targets that kept the gossip confined to just that. Logan was long used to gossip and never paid them any mind, although he took to carrying a knife around at all times that he could take out and fuss over anytime the looks got to be too much. Few things could clear a room faster than Logan cleaning his knife with a bored look, a murderous glint in his eye that said he could take you out just for the fun of it. 

* * *

Years later, Logan would meet the first person in the world who wasn’t afraid of him or his fancy knife trick. At the time Meg had only been newly granted the position of agent, but it wouldn’t take long before she had proven herself as one of their better ones. 

She made friends with Logan long before being placed as his partner. For once he had found someone who not only wasn’t bothered by his inability to gift marks, but who shared the same sense of humor as he did, and also a style for killing that was similar to his own. They were good friends but even better as partners. Logan joked more than once though that she had killed a bit of his edge, as the other agents seemed less afraid so long as he was around Meg. Meg joked in returned it was only a matter of time she was taken out because of that. 

* * *

They never talked about the small mark that appeared one day on Logan’s ankle. A small knife, not unlike the one Meg favored in the few stealth missions they had pulled off. Meg had seemed almost as surprised as Logan was to find the mark had appeared, but after a moment of stunned silence, she had only shoved Logan’s foot away, telling him to put on socks like a normal person because didn’t he know bare feet were a disgrace in this family? 

Logan’s stunned silence was broken by Meg throwing a blanket straight in his face, telling him the moment he blinked back to the world she was going to pick a movie if he didn’t get off his ass and do it, it was getting late and they had work tomorrow but Friday night movies had always been their thing and he better not ruin that now.

* * *

The mark never faded, but Logan couldn’t help but feel a lump of guilt in his throat every time he glanced down and saw it and he remembered there was nothing he could ever do to give his mark in return as she deserved. 

* * *

After 2 years of partnership, Meg abruptly left the Agency. She never told Logan much in fear he would get in trouble, but she told him enough that he understood what she meant without saying it. The Agency did not take kindly to deserters, but it was almost impossible to leave otherwise unless you were dead or no longer able to serve. Meg never mentioned why she had to run, but Logan understood it wasn’t really a choice all the same. 

She disappeared one night while he was out alone on a mission without so much as a goodbye. It was safer this way, but it didn’t mean it hurt any less for Logan to come home to an empty apartment and the knowledge he was once again alone. 

* * *

It was only after he had escaped the Agency himself after a call that had been far too close that Logan learned the truth about why Meg had to leave. 

Out of all of their agents, it was no secret that Logan had always been a favorite. His lack of marks was his greatest strength of them all. And everyone knew how close Meg and Logan had gotten, as friends and as partners in the field. 

In the weeks that had followed Meg leaving, Logan had been forced into isolation and… reminded why his ability was so special. Reminded that he was not supposed to get close to anyone, because it only ever led to pain. 

It was a dangerous thing, after all, to have your biggest weapon show any amount of feeling, especially love. 

If Meg hadn’t left, the Agency would have had her killed. 

Logan would have never believed the Agency would have something like that done at the time, but now it made all too much sense. 

After all, she wouldn’t be the last person the Agency tried to take from him.

* * *

Logan did not get a new partner for years after Meg left. The Agency said it was to keep him from getting too distracted, and that his talents were good enough on their own that he did not need a partner anyways. He worked well on his own. And he didn’t need bonds as other agents did. 

Jeremy didn’t come at first as a partner. He was a newer recruit, still in his training. Jeremy wasn’t a partner, but rather a punishment. A task Logan had been resigned to after his last mission failed spectacularly, destroying the evidence he was meant to retrieve and leaving Logan lucky he had escaped alive. It would be at least a year until he was really fit enough to return into the field, provided of course he was able to first prove himself. 

Logan had never held trainees in much regard. A large portion of them wound up dropping out after a few years, and even those who didn’t needed most of their 7 years of training before they were able to pull off jobs with any skill. It didn’t help many of them were arrogant and took far too long to listen to their handlers and understand the use of planning attacks and taking every bit of insight to heart. 

He had expected Jeremy to be exactly the same. Logan almost felt bad for the poor boy being stuck with him, who had no experience as a handler, and little patience to cater to failings. 

* * *

Jeremy was not, in fact, like other trainees. He earned the rank of Agent in just over 4 years, after training under Logan for only 10 months. 

* * *

Logan really,  _ really,  _ wanted to hate Jeremy when they first met. But it was hard when the boy not only wasn’t afraid of him but in fact, seemed to be awestruck and clearly thrilled to be working with Logan. According to Jeremy, it was an  _ honor  _ to be working with someone as highly ranked as Logan was, and he was willing to listen to whatever he was told to do if it would make him a better agent. 

Jeremy wasn’t a pushover though. Once he got past his initial awe, he started to put in his own ideas just as often as he listened to Logan’s. He would ask questions, point out weak points in proposed plans, listened when Logan spoke to him, and took everything he said under careful consideration before filtering out the things that worked for him and those that didn’t. 

In the same way that Meg had almost perfectly matched his skills, Jeremy, in turn, proved to be almost his complete opposite. Together the two balanced each other out. 

* * *

Logan awoke one morning to find a bright purple and orange mark stretching around the back of his neck and across his shoulders. It had taken the shape of a cat, head curled against his adam’s apple and tail wrapping around his left arm as if it was basking in the sunlight. Logan stared at the mark with wide eyes for far too long until Jeremy knocked on the bathroom door, and as he bounced past Logan he only grinned at the colors, saying maybe it was a sign they should get a cat after all before he pushed him out the door. 

The bright colors of course matched perfectly with Jeremy’s own loud personality, bright in a way that always drew your eye, but could sometimes be so bright it hurt when you were not careful. As much of a warning as they were an invitation. 

* * *

It took Logan three days after the mark arrived to tell Jeremy he wouldn’t be able to give one back. He had realized fairly early on that Jeremy was one of the few unaware of his curse as the markless. 

When Logan told him, Jeremy just smiled that same reassuring smile he always did right before he tried to convince Logan he knew exactly what he was doing, and told him it didn’t matter. He still trusted him, and Logan had earned that mark fair and square. 

* * *

In truth, Jeremy had been thrown by Logan’s confession. He had never heard of someone being markless, and for a moment all he felt was anger that his friend had never told him and fear of what it meant about Logan at his core. 

The thoughts lasted mere moments before Jeremy shook them away, reminding himself that he  _ knew  _ Logan, he  _ trusted  _ him with his life. There was no reason for that to change now just because he knew… nothing else had changed between them. 

If it was possible, Logan’s mark seemed to glow brighter after that. If for no other reason than for Jeremy to prove that just because Logan didn’t have a mark didn’t mean he couldn’t care for anyone at all. 

* * *

Part of Logan’s job as Jeremy’s handler was to run overwatch for him when he went out into the field. Provide backup from the cameras by pointing out what he couldn’t see, guiding him through buildings without getting lost or being seen. Locating any alarms or traps or other potential problems before they could become one.

Part of Logan’s  _ punishment  _ was having to hack his own way into the cameras and disable any security, a job often left up to their hackers and something Logan had not done much of in the past years. 

It was Logan’s pride though that kept him from asking for help from any of the techies. Not that any of them really wanted to come close to him considering they all knew who he was.

* * *

Most of the hackers only worked during the day, unless they had an urgent project that needed to be finished before they could sleep. 

When Logan first made his decision to work during the night instead of the day in the hacking lab, he had assumed this was the case for the single resident he found sitting there, who froze immediately when he walked into the room and glanced at him every few minutes when he thought Logan wasn’t looking, but otherwise worked away on his project faster than Logan ever could. 

It must have been important for him to stay, considering how uncomfortable Logan clearly made him. 

Logan realized quickly it wasn’t urgency that had the boy working at late hours of the night but as the weeks dragged on, and on Jeremy’s first job since falling under Logan’s tutelage, Logan came to the conclusion he wasn’t sure if the boy ever actually left the lab at all. 

* * *

“You want me to be his friend?” Logan asked, his voice wavering somewhere between disbelief and careful warning, eyes narrowed at Jeremy in a way that beckoned for clarification while also warning that Jeremy was walking on very thin ice here. Repeating his request was akin to taunting an angry predator, but Jeremy just grinned easily, well used to dealing with Logan’s moods. 

“You said he never leaves the lab. He could probably use a friend,” Jeremy said, his eyes glinting mischievously when he added, “Besides, your tech skills are pretty rusty and you could use some extra help.” 

“I do not need any help!” Logan protested all too quickly, which of course only caused Jeremy to chuckle because that was the exact reaction he was expecting. Logan huffed, shoving Jeremy further away from him on the couch and crossed his arms defensively. “And I don’t do  _ friends.”  _

Jeremy’s eyes drifted down to the bright purple and orange cat wrapped around Logan’s neck before looking back up at his partner’s face, one eyebrow raised, the challenge clear on his face. 

“That’s your mark, Jeremy, not mine,” Logan reminded the boy, despite the fact he knew it was a weak a defense that would get shot down in almost an instant. And he was right because no sooner had the words left his mouth was Jeremy pouncing on them to counter 

“Which makes you  _ my friend _ , Logan. Part of my family.” 

“I know, Jer,” Logan replied quietly, absently reaching up to rub his hand over the mark. For a moment his face softened, and so did his voice as he looked over at Jeremy and smiled just slightly. “I do  _ one  _ friend. But that’s it.” 

The unspoken weight of Logan’s argument hit Jeremy all at once and before he realized he was doing it, he found himself nodding, reaching out to grab Logan’s free hand as a way to distract him before he got too lost in his thoughts. “Then I guess I’m pretty lucky to be that one friend, huh?” 

“You’re such a fucking dork, Dooley.” Logan rolled his eyes but tugged Jeremy closer, pulling him into a hug that had slowly started to become more normal over the past few weeks since his mark arrived. Jeremy just grinned, wiggling until he was comfortable in Logan’s arms before responding 

“You did teach me everything I needed to know.” 

Logan snorted. “Asshole.” 

* * *

Maybe Jeremy was right though. Lab boy did seem awfully lonely, and with no one to tell him to stop it seemed like he worked all the time. Logan wasn’t sure he had seen him eat more than a handful of times, and his station seemed to always be covered in empty cups of coffee and too many red bulls to be safe. 

He needed someone to look out for him, a friend, or at very least a partner to pull him away from the screen from time to time. 

But Logan  _ didn’t  _ do friends. And as far as he was aware, Lab boy didn’t either. 

* * *

Just because they weren’t friends though didn’t mean Logan couldn’t care about the boy though. Someone outta make sure he didn’t fully kill himself and considering no one else in the Agency seemed willing to do so… 

* * *

It didn’t start with a lot. Just, Logan noticed on his way to the vending machine to get another drink that Lab boy had dozed off at his desk. When he inched closer Logan realized there was a note taped to his monitor reminding him to eat a few hours before. He hadn’t moved since Logan came into the lab well before the note, which meant he had not eaten anything. 

Which really wasn’t Logan’s problem. 

He still bought him a few packs of crackers and left them on his desk with a hastily scribbled note instructing him to eat them when he woke up. It wasn’t a lot, but at least it was some amount of food getting in him. Perhaps more than had in days. 

* * *

When Logan left, Lab boy was still fast asleep.

* * *

He arrived the next evening with a diet coke sitting on his usual desk, a note unmistakably written in Lab boy’s handwriting pinned to the front. 

_ Cheers - G  _

Logan grinned, sneaking a glance up at Lab boy who was typing away on his computer, but for the first time since Logan had known him actually looked alive. Well, Lab boy had a name now, or at least an initial. 

And Logan had a new game to play. Because if the smirk on G’s face when he glanced over at Logan a few moments later meant anything than he had just started a whole new game. One that was much much more interesting than all the stupid coding stuff he was working on. 

* * *

In any other situation, Jeremy probably would have said “I told you so” the second he found out about Logan’s new note war with Lab boy, or as Logan now called him G. 

Maybe in the future, he still would. Definitely. He would definitely be calling Logan out on his stupidity in the future when things smoothed over What kind of partner/trainee would he be if he didn’t give Logan hell for this one day? 

That required of course Logan to accept that he was slowly becoming friends with this mystery man. That in it of itself was an uphill battle Jeremy did not see himself winning any time soon, no matter how hard he tried to.

* * *

It started with snacks and drinks snuck onto each other’s desk when the other wasn’t around or wasn’t looking, but very quickly this devolved into flinging notes back and forth at each other, sometimes without hardly any context at all. 

It started with G leaving a stupid “million dollars but” question attached to Logan’s Diet Coke one evening, then filtered on to various questions about life and before Logan knew it, he was getting more and more notes that were just G rambling to him. Rambling about a show he had watched a few days ago that made no sense but he couldn’t seem to turn off either, about the project he was working on that he couldn’t figure out where he had gone wrong but something was off because now everything was broken, or random pieces of knowledge that no one else would have known but for some reason, G had stored in his head at a moments notice. Logan never talked half as much as G unless prompted by questions, but still he enjoyed reading his messages all the same. It made suffering through hours worth of camera footage bearable when he knew that all it took for a distraction was to throw a piece of paper at G and wait for him to write. 

* * *

It all came to a head, really, the third night in a row Logan found G asleep at his desk. 

It was the first time he spoke to the boy in person. It was also the last time they spoke for over a week. 

In retrospect, it probably hadn’t been the best idea to pull rank and essentially order G to go back to his apartment and get sleep. But Logan had no idea what else to do considering the boy brushed off all of his previous suggestions that he needed proper rest. 

At least the next time Logan walked into the lab he didn’t find G’s desk covered in empty Red Bull’s (although there still were a few). And he no longer fell asleep at his station, so far as Logan saw. 

It hurt, though, to go into the lab every night and not be able to pass notes.

Logan just kept telling himself though that it was worth it if it meant G was taking care of himself. 

* * *

Jeremy told him that he should apologize. Logan scoffed at the idea, partially because he didn’t feel like he had done anything wrong (even if he had been harsh, G  _ needed  _ to take care of himself). Mostly though it was because Logan wasn’t even sure where he would begin with an apology, and yes he was afraid that G wouldn’t accept it and there would be no hope in fixing things between them. 

Logan hoped that over time G would forgive him. That given space he would come to understand Logan had only been looking out for him. 

* * *

There was a blank piece of paper on Logan’s desk he took with him everywhere he went. He stared at it for hours, willing the words to come to him, but he never could figure out what to say.

* * *

And then one night G wasn’t in the lab when Logan arrived. He stayed far past his normal time waiting to see if he would arrive, but when the sun had finally started to rise he had to admit defeat. 

* * *

It would have been fine except, G wasn’t in the lab the next day either. 

* * *

By the third day, Logan felt more worried than he had ever felt had in his life. 

* * *

On the morning of the fourth day, Logan gets called to the director’s office. He wouldn’t have thought anything of it if not for the look Jeremy had given him before he had walked out the door, along with a very tight hug, and what he could have sworn was a quiet “I’m sorry.” 

Logan’s hands definitely were not shaking as he opened the door to the office he had spent so much time in, discussing missions and the general future of the Agency. 

Any thoughts of it being a routine visit flew out the window the moment Logan sits down, and a file is dropped in front of him. Attached to the front is a picture of G. 

* * *

His real name was Gavin Free. He wasn’t just a hacker for the Agency, but he was also one of the top-level silent assassins. A different class than the other agents, the SA’s were known as the absolute best of the best. Revered for their skills in subtlety, the ability to slip in and out without being caught, make any death seem like an accident, and take anything that was needed along the way, SA’s existed in a world beyond most agents. Their identities were all kept a secret, even from each other, and when not on duty they were placed into various parts of the Agency as a way to blend in. Everyone knew about them, but no one really  _ knew  _ anything in particular. 

Logan was no exception to this rule. Although he had heard many times about the SA’s, that was about as far as his knowledge went. Well, that and he knew that he had failed his own test to become an SA with his inability to sneak in and out without raising suspicions. (Not that he minded. Personally he preferred the loud approach to jobs). 

As Logan learned that day, though, sometimes even SA’s slipped up. This time, they feared the failure had come about through a setup. Somehow the target had found out about this hit and hired their own guard to trap the SA when they arrived. 

If it had been a regular agent, they wouldn’t have bothered. But Gavin was one of the best SA’s they had. 

* * *

All they had was his last known whereabouts, and a hunch on who it was that had taken Gavin. They didn’t even know if he was still alive. 

But if anyone was going to be able to find him, it was Logan.

* * *

Jeremy offered to help Logan in his search. He wasn’t even supposed to know, but one look at Logan when he returned gave Jeremy all the information he needed to know. He never pried for details, and Logan never gave them up, but still, Jeremy was willing to help. 

They searched for six days. And then Logan stumbled upon a lead.

* * *

Two hours later, Logan was flying to the last place he had found a trace of Gavin at. He was alone, save for the pilot of the helicopter. No one besides Jeremy knew he had left.

It was his job to bring Gavin home. Logan was determined to see that through with the boy alive.

* * *

Logan found him hanging by his arms in the middle of the room. For a long moment, he thought that he was too late until he cut the chains free and Gavin fell into his arms, eyes fluttering open in an instant. Gavin  _ smiled _ when he saw it was Logan standing there, and by the time Logan had fully freed him he had passed out once again against his chest.

* * *

Gavin’s in a coma for three days. Though the director tells Logan his job is over, and every nurse tells him he no longer has to worry, he still tries to visit Gavin as much as his schedule allows. 

The only one who understands is Jeremy. The rest of them couldn’t fathom why an agent with a reputation like Logan’s would even begin to care about someone they assumed he didn’t even know beyond his file. Truthfully, Logan wasn’t sure why he was so concerned himself considering his exchanges with Gavin had been limited to paper and the last time they spoke was not on good terms. 

But Jeremy gets it. Because Jeremy sees what the rest of them don’t, which is that Gavin had managed to get under Logan’s skin in the same way he had. And Logan  _ cared  _ about him, on a personal level, and Gavin most certainly felt the same in return. Because they were  _ friends.  _

* * *

Logan was just getting ready for bed when he got the call from the hospital that Gavin was waking up. In an instant he’s grabbing his jacket and rushing out the door, hoping that he could get there before he fell back asleep again. 

* * *

Gavin was sitting up when Logan entered his room, answering basic questions as the doctor asked them, to make sure that he wasn’t suffering from any sort of brain injury. 

He smiles the moment he locks eyes with Logan, and after the doctor has finished his exam, Gavin pats the bed beside him and tells Logan to come over. 

They don’t talk much that first time awake. Gavin was still tired and his brain hadn’t woken up fully yet to process everything it is he wants to say. But he takes Logan’s hand when the man gets close enough and squeezes it tightly, and somehow that’s enough for Logan to understand. He doesn’t talk much either, but instead, he sits by Gavin on his bed and brushes the hair away from his face with the gentlest of touches. Slowly he uses his free hand to check Gavin’s injuries until he’s satisfied the boy is in one piece, and then begins to hum softly until Gavin falls back asleep. 

* * *

Gavin spent most of the first few days asleep, but the short amount of time he was awake you could almost certainly find Logan plastered to his side. They didn’t talk most of the time but spent it rather just enjoying the company of one another. Mostly they would watch tv, until Gavin drifted back to sleep again, or a nurse came in to check on him and shoo Logan out so that Gav could rest. 

One afternoon Logan finds a James Bond movie on tv. Not only does Gavin manage to stay awake through the entire thing, but he spends the entire time talking excitedly to Logan about various scenes, everything from trivia about the characters to the actors to even gushing about the way certain scenes had been shot. It’s the most Logan has heard him talk ever. All he can think as he listens to Gavin ramble is that he would give anything to be able to experience that every day of his life. 

* * *

Luckily for Logan, once Gavin starts talking, there seems to be no sign of him stopping. 

He even manages to convince the nurse that night to give him an extra ten minutes to finish his argument with Logan over what would happen when you flip a coin three times before he had to leave. (They never come to an agreement, not that night and not ever, no matter how many times down the road Gavin decides to bring it up).

* * *

They never talk about their argument from the first time they ever spoke. Logan could almost pretend it had never happened if it wasn’t for Gavin laying in the hospital reminding him every day that he had almost lost him without making things right.

* * *

Logan tries, once, to apologize to Gavin. Before he can get through half of his semi-prepared speech Gavin is cutting him off with a wave of his hand, and a smile Logan cannot quite read.

“You saved my life,” Gavin said softly, reaching out to grab Logan’s hand, turning it over slowly in his own as he spoke, looking as though he was considering it carefully. “I would have died without you. I think that’s more than enough of an apology.” 

Gavin squeezes Logan’s hand tightly before he could argue with him, and Logan couldn’t help but gasp in surprise as a warmth suddenly began to spread across his hand, and Gavin pulled his hand away to reveal the cause. 

Gavin had gifted him with a mark, a bright golden sun that sat within the palm of his hand, it’s rays stretching up to wrap around his fingers and curl across to the back of his hand, glimmering under the lights of the hospital room and as Logan slowly turned his hand to look the rays seemed to dance across his skin. 

Logan stared at the mark for a long moment before looking back at Gavin, who was grinning back at him like a kid who had just won first prize in a science fair. Proud, and perhaps just a bit shocked it had actually worked. He reached out tentatively to touch the mark, and when Logan didn’t pull away began to trace the rays as he started to ramble about colors, and what caused the human eye to see them in the way they did. 

* * *

Unlike Jeremy, Gavin is all too aware of Logan’s status of markless. He brings it up one afternoon after Gavin has convinced Logan to join him in the too small hospital bed so that they could cuddle while watching a movie. For a while, Logan thought Gavin had been drifting off to sleep since he had fallen silent against his side until suddenly Gavin shoots up and begins to rant. 

Rant about everything Logan had suffered growing up, the bullying of his peers, the abandonment of his family. Rant about how he was left alone because no one was willing to get to know him even though he was one of the best people Gavin had ever met. Oh, how he rants about the Agency, the way they tried to turn the other agents against Logan and paint him as unable to feel, to love just because he doesn’t have a mark. And Gavin  _ cries  _ over the fact that Logan believed them, that he didn’t think he was worthy of the two marks gracing his body and kept pushing people away because he had been told he wasn’t worthy of being cared about. 

Logan doesn't know how to react, especially to the last part, which only serves to make Gavin cry harder and cling tightly onto Logan for the rest of the day, refusing to let go even when the nurses come to shoo Logan away for the evening. Gavin holds on even tighter until they relent to let him stay, just this once. 

* * *

The day that Gavin gets discharged from the hospital, Logan is called down to the director’s office. Somehow he knows before he even steps inside that he’s in trouble, his stomach flipping over itself until he feels sick. 

It’s not until he steps inside and sees the way the director is glaring at his marks that Logan understands why. He tries to tug down his sleeve to hide at least Gavin’s from view but the movement alone is enough to catch the director’s eye, and his frown deepens. 

“Agent V, take a seat.” The director commands, nodding towards the chair in the center of the room. It doesn’t take a genius to know that this isn’t the normal chair found in his office, or to notice the restraints sitting on the arms. Part of his brain screams at him to run, but Logan has no doubt there are agents standing outside the door in case he decides to do so. There was no choice here. 

Logan swallowed thickly, keeping his face blank of fear despite the feeling of it bubbling up in his gut. He sits, not flinching as the restraints automatically slide around his wrists and ankles. 

The director smiles disconcertingly but makes no move to stand. Logan knows, even if this was his plan, that the man had no interest in being the one to get his hands dirty with this kind of work. 

“It’s come to my attention, Agent V, that you’ve seen to have forgotten where your strengths lie.” The director eyed Logan’s marks again, his lip curling up in disgust at the way they shone brightly against Logan’s skin. “Marks are such pesky things, Agent. A sign of human weakness. You are better than these marks,” 

The director stood up as a bookshelf across the room began to move, revealing a hidden door and a dark hallway. Logan felt his stomach drop to his feet as the director loosed the restraints from the chair and hauled Logan up. The last time he had been down that hallway was after Meg left. 

Screw not being scared. Logan was fucking terrified. 

Which, of course, is exactly what they wanted. 

* * *

When Gavin gets out of the hospital, he moves into the apartment with Jeremy. Someone comes to collect Logan’s things while Jeremy is picking Gavin up, and they come home to a half-empty apartment, and a notice that Gavin has been reassigned as Jeremy’s partner/spotter until further notice. 

The only thing left of Logan is the hoodie he had left thrown on the living couch, and the plants he had collected in the apartment. Gavin moves into his old bedroom, but for the most part, he tries to avoid the room like it’s the plague. He sleeps at night curled up with Jeremy, each one taking turns to wear the only piece of Logan they have left.

* * *

They never stop hoping that he’ll come back. Gavin and Jeremy both keep an ear out for any news concerning Logan, or anyone who matches his description. But as the weeks pass, it starts to seem more and more like he is gone for good.

* * *

They never mean to exchange marks. It just happens one night, after they have both fallen fast asleep. Tonight Jeremy was wearing Logan’s hoodie, Gavin curled into his chest, both of their faces stained with tears that Gavin had started but Jeremy most certainly finished, brought about from the fact one of their family was still missing. They sleep right through them appearing, but when they wake up in the morning the sight of the marks only brings about more tears for Gavin however bittersweet they may be.

Jeremy wakes up to a pair of golden eagle wings stretching across his shoulders and back. As Gavin runs his hands across the feathers, he murmurs softly that it was the largest mark he had ever given. One meant to let Jeremy know he was never leaving. 

Gavin’s hand, meanwhile, had exploded into a burst of orange and purple. A small dragon curled on the back of his hand, it’s wings stretching up on his fingers as the tail wrapped back and around this palm. Jeremy laughs softly as he mentions that he seemed to be on an animal streak recently with his marks, before softly reassuring Gav the dragon would protect him no matter what else happened. 

Gavin really doesn’t mean to cry, but it hurts too much to think about who should have been with them the day these marks appeared. 

* * *

Six months after he disappears, Logan comes home to them. 

There’s no warning of his return. Just one afternoon Gavin and Jeremy return home from training to find him sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the turned off tv.

He’s… out of it, to say the least. Doesn’t react to their presence until Gavin has flung himself into his lap, and even then it’s like his arms are moving automatically to wrap him in a hug. His eyes look tired even as he tries to force a smile for the boys, and pulls Jeremy down on his other side to complete their pile. 

He doesn’t speak for a long time, their first real sign that something is off. He doesn’t cry either, even though Jeremy can see the tears shining in his eyes briefly before he blinks them away again. 

Logan waves the concern away though by saying he’s tired. 

The pair  _ almost  _ believe him. 

* * *

Logan spends a lot of time touching his marks when he thinks the others aren’t looking. He flinches every single time he does like a phantom pain is shooting through him. Sometimes, he pulls his hand away as if he’s expecting to see blood. 

He doesn’t talk. Actually, Logan doesn’t do much of anything these days without a lot of encouragement and poking by Jeremy or Gavin. He doesn’t go to work, or leave the apartment. He just stares, blankly, at the tv, the wall, out the window. Getting him to eat alone becomes a full-time job. 

The only time he seems to relax any is at night. Jeremy and Gavin convinced Logan it would be better to sleep with them than on the couch. The first night they squish into the bed with Logan in the middle. And he relaxes. As long as they stay like that, it seems like Logan is almost happy. 

* * *

Some nights, Logan wakes up screaming, and in his panic to escape whatever was haunting his nightmares, winds up pushing Gavin on the floor or elbowing Jeremy just a little too hard in the ribs. 

The guilty look on his face the first night he finds the bruises, and the way he refuses to let Jeremy and Gavin near for days in fear of hurting them leads them to a decision. They don’t tell Logan what happens when he’s screaming.

His nightmares aren’t nearly as bad so long as they’re by his side anyway. 

* * *

Jeremy’s first job after Logan comes home leads him out of the country for three days on a hit. Gavin spends most of that time down at the lab, providing Jeremy with the information that he has gathered and working overwatch until their target is dead and he is getting ready to head home. 

Gavin gets back to their apartment late. His head aches and he’s exhausted and all he wants to do is fall into bed and sleep. Which he nearly does, until he goes to curl up next to Logan and realizes to his shock that not only is the man not asleep,  _ he’s crying.  _ Silent sobs are wracking his body and tears are streaming down his face. He doesn’t even seem to realize that Gavin is there until he presses a hand to his face, concerned, and calls his name. 

Logan freezes, squinting through the darkness at Gavin until he realizes who is there. That’s when he reaches out, gently tugging Gavin into his arms, and Gavin obliges because he doesn’t know what else he should do. He had never seen Logan cry period, hadn’t seen him show so much emotion since he had returned home, and Gavin didn’t know what words he could say that would provide him comfort so he does his best to use physical affection instead. Logan relaxes as soon as he presses his face into Gavin’s neck, and after a few minutes, Gav is able to find one of Logan’s hands and brings it up to rest against his heart, wondering if the extra reassurance that he’s alive would help Logan calm down. 

Maybe it works, or maybe Logan just wears himself out, but eventually, the tears stop and his breaths even out until he falls asleep.

* * *

Jeremy gets home early the next morning. He tries his best not to wake the pair as he slips into bed on the other side of Logan, but before he’s even all the way under the covers Logan is rolling over towards. His eyes are just barely open, so fumbles slightly as he reaches out towards Jeremy, but once he finds him he immediately moves to curl into his chest. If he holds tighter than normal to Jeremy’s shirt, he doesn’t notice. But what Jeremy does notice is the way Gavin sits up halfway the moment Logan moves away from him, and the concerned way he looks down on him after he has settled. 

Jeremy wants to ask what he missed in the time he was gone, but Gavin is shaking his head before he gets the chance, laying back down behind Logan to hold him behind, sandwiching him perfectly between the two of them. Gavin murmurs something Jeremy doesn’t quite pick up, but catches the meaning of all the same.  _ Tomorrow.  _ Whatever happened, it could wait until after a good night's sleep to fix it. 

* * *

They never manage to get Logan to talk about what happened to him in the 6 months that he was gone. 

The most they ever get out of him, the night after Gavin finds him crying, is a quiet admittance that he never thought he would see them again.

Logan becomes a lot clingier after that night. 

* * *

The Agency doesn’t give Logan a new assignment. At least not right away. It’s all part of the game that they’re playing, Logan knows. They don’t want him back on the job because having something to focus on would make it much harder to wear him down. 

Jeremy and Gavin still have work that needs to be done, though. And unwilling now to leave Logan alone for an extended period, the two begin to take him along with them. 

It’s a lot easier to focus on training for Jeremy, or hacking into whatever system Gavin needed to tackle, when both of them knew that Logan wasn’t alone. Whether he was helping them out, curled into their side, or safely in the hands of the other, it was just easier for them all not to be alone. 

And really, Logan could be quite helpful on the days he had the energy for it. As a second pair of eyes, he was able to catch things Gavin would otherwise miss while scrolling through pages and pages of computer code. And it was all too easy for him to fall back into the training he used to run with Jeremy daily when they were partners. He was the only one who had ever been able to perfectly complement Jeremy’s skills, and working together meant that they both got better in the long run.

* * *

The first time they hear Logan laugh is the moment that Jeremy and Gavin  _ know  _ that everything will be okay.

* * *

It’s Gavin who leaves on the next job. This time, Logan is right beside Jeremy providing overwatch. 

* * *

The trio starts to earn a reputation around the Agency for their abilities as a team. 

Each one of them was already pretty well known as the top of their various jobs. Putting them together though somehow seems to make them inexplicably better, faster. 

It’s a dream team. The best of the absolute best. 

* * *

The director  _ tries  _ to send Logan out to a job on his own. A way to prove to him and to everyone that he worked better alone. 

Gavin hacks into Logan’s comms in a matter of minutes, and in the end, it’s the overwatch that he and Jeremy provide that wind up saving Logan’s life from a sniper. He gets his target with the sniper as a bonus and gets out without anyone else knowing he was there. 

The director is  _ pissed.  _ But even he knows you can’t argue when the truth points to the fact his top agent had gone soft and needed the others to keep him on his feet. 

* * *

They’re not sure, really, when they became an official team. They know it has happened, though, when they receive the first mission for all three of them. Logan and Jeremy would have boots on the ground while Gavin provided overwatch. 

The two of them had been a formidable team from the time they started to work together. But nothing from before could hold a candle to the amount of chaos they could rain when they were on the ground together.

* * *

It becomes too easy, after a while, to become comfortable with their arrangement. Too easy to assume that whatever it was that drove the Agency to separate them was long in the past.

* * *

Logan still gets anxious when Gavin and Jeremy leave him alone for too long. He tries not to let them know just how much he worries about them whenever they’re out of sight, but it gets hard when he’s alone with no one to assuage his fears. 

He  _ tries  _ not to think of the thinly veiled threats against them that came in the time he was gone. They had gotten approval of their team from the director, after all. Didn’t that mean they were safe? 

* * *

Gavin didn’t go out much in the field anyway. Most SA’s only handled a handful of cases a year. Since his kidnapping, Gavin had handled even less. 

* * *

It should have been their first sign something was wrong, really, when Gavin was assigned a field case with only four days warning (SA’s typically got upward of a month to prepare). 

Their second should have been when Jeremy was assigned to the same case the next day. 

* * *

Hours before they were meant to catch their plane, Gavin manages to pull some strings, and gets permission for Logan to fly out with them. They were flying time zones away and Gav argued it would be much more efficient on their end if Logan was closer by in their safe house, working overwatch there while Gavin and Jeremy went after their targets. 

Really Gavin just hoped the extra hours they gained before having to be separated would be enough to hold Logan over until they were able to come home again. 

* * *

At first, Jeremy tried to argue his way out of the job. The last thing he wanted after all was to leave Logan alone. 

It’s hard not to wonder what would have happened to Gavin if he hadn’t been there in the end. 

* * *

Logan sees it seconds before Gavin does, but even by then, it was far too late. As much as he yells at Gavin and Jeremy to run, there’s still too many people and too much space between them and where safety would lay. 

And when the bomb finally went off, there was more than just space barring Gavin from escaping. 

Even if the blast hadn’t knocked him out, the flames it created were big enough to block his only escape route. 

* * *

The cameras were cut with the bomb. And the last Logan heard from both Gavin and Jeremy was the sound of them screaming. 

* * *

Logan  _ never  _ stopped feeling guilty about what happened. No matter how many people told him it wasn’t his fault, he  _ knows  _ that it is. 

The Agency had made it clear over and over how they felt about his marks, and about the people who gifted them to him. If he had never gotten close, neither of his partners would have had a target on the back of their head. 

He should have  _ known _ sooner or later they would try something like this. 

If trying to remove the marks off his body didn’t work, then surely destroying the source of them would be the next best thing.


End file.
